InsaneJournal

This would be Shinji's strongest memory/memories. I wrote it out ike this because... I thought it suited it slightly better? I hope it's not a problem. Once he realises that memories are being projected, he is going to be out of Niflheim, strange screams be damned.

There is some swearing below the cut. And violence, but it's not particularly (or really at all) graphic.

OH! It just occurred to me, that unless your character understands Japanese, they wouldn't know anything that was said in the memory, since all of it would have been in Japanese.

"Is it because of that time, Shinji? When I ran off? Is that why you don't trust me, Shinji?" Keita's imploring eyes bore into him, and he simply ignored the pleading manner in which the boy - his classmate - his friend? Could he call him a friend? Keita viewed him as a friend, but Shinji didn't return the sentiment - was speaking to him. Begging him. Shinji wanted to say that yes, yes it was because of that time. Who in their right mind would trust a goddamn coward in this game? Someone who would leave them without another thought to someone who wanted to hurt and, in this situation, kill them? It was common fucking sense, why didn't Keita get that? Sure, that incident might have been trivial to some, but it had bothered him. It had bothered him enough to distance himself from Keita, and that was that.

There was no way he was letting Keita join then now. They were so close. Instead, he moved the gun, aiming it at Keita instead of pointing it somewhat vaguely in his direction.

Keita had spoken again. Shinji seemed to remember him sobbing (or at least, he was practically sobbing). He'd briefly wondered whether Keita was being sincere, but then decided it didn't matter. What mattered was his and Yutaka's safety. This area was going to become a danger zone shortly and dealing with Keita Iijima had not been a part of his plans. Yutaka had spoken again, Shinji hadn't listened, just silenced the boy by ignoring him and holding him away from Keita. He'd been going to explain to Yutaka afterwards, once they were safely out of there. He laughed dryly (strange, had he laughed? He didn't remember laughing). He'd never got the chance to explain to Yutaka just what had happened in the warehouse.

As Keita had approached him and Yutaka, Shinji had yelled at him, told him not to move (why hadn't he listened? What was wrong with him?) before firing a shot at the ground. He hadn't stopped moving and Shinji had yelled again. He'd wanted to shout more, to tell Keita to stop being so goddamn stupid, he wasn't joining them, that he should go away, Shinji didn't want to hurt him. He didn't deserve to be hurt. If he'd survived this far, he could handle himself better than they both thought.

That had been when it had all started to go wrong, though, hadn't it? (Worse? Perhaps that would have been more accurately, because the whole thing was kind of wrong, wasn't it? That they were on the island in the first place, that they were having to confront each other like that). He'd fired. He hadn't meant to aim there; his finger had slipped, he'd been sweating. Nerves, tension, it had got to him and Keita had died because of it.

He hadn't been able to believe it, and the thoughts once again echoed around his mind. The numb sense of disbelief at his complete and utter failure to hit his specified target. He remembered how he'd thought it ridiculous that he of all people should miss. Hell, he was Shinji Mimura, fucking star of the basketball team, Third Man. Never missed a shot. Well, till now, huh? He'd missed then. First time for everything. Shame that wasn't a first time he'd wanted to experience.

Yutaka had yelled at him, and he'd responded in monotone, almost blankly. He'd been trying to look out for them, why couldn't Yutaka see that? He'd been going to explain a little, but Yutaka had... Shinji remembered the disbelief that had engulfed him, the hollow yet sinking feeling as he realised Yutaka didn't trust him. For that distrust to surface, it must always have been there, huh? And yet Shinji had never distrusted Yutaka once. Nice to see how far that friendship went. Maybe Yutaka would have understood better if he'd had chance to explain.

Shinji had yelled back. He hadn't said much, and there was so much he had wanted to say in response to the distrust, but he couldn't. He'd given up. He'd told Yutaka if that was how he really felt, then he should just kill him now. There was no point in Shinji proceeding with any of it. Yutaka had realised, though, come to his senses. Shame it was too late.

He remembered the pain as the bullets travelled through Yutaka and into himself, the way every inch of him had hurt and complained when he'd tried to move, to get away from Kiriyama and kill him. The explosion had been big, bigger than he'd expected (he'd been able to make something like that? Pretty impressive, huh). But he'd failed. Yutaka had been killed, neither of them ha succeeded in their plan and he... He hadn't even managed to kill Kiriyama with his explosive. The bastard had escaped and all Shinji had felt was the sensation of yet more bullets tearing into his body.

Waking with a start, eyes wide, Shinji stared into the dark of his room ('his room', he thought, scoffing mentally. He only referred to it as such out of ease, otherwise he wouldn't use any form of possession in reference to the room he had been given to inhabit). It was understandable that he would remember what had happened, the thoughts and feelings that had run through his mind, but he hadn't expected to have a nightmare about it. Again, he supposed it was somewhat understandable; he was fifteen after all, and had been put through the BR Act ('put through'. Made it sound like he survived, didn't it? He'd liked to have said he had, that he'd outsmarted the system. Even now, he couldn't help but wonder whether he'd have been able to manage it had Iijima not found them. But bygones were bygones and there was nothing that could be done about the past now).

Squeezing his eyes shut, Shinji ignored the tears that were threatening to fall. The hell had he had a nightmare over that for? It was over, in the past. It couldn't be helped. There were other things at stake here. It wouldn't be beneficial to wallow on history. Slipping out from under the covers for his futon, Shinji got changed. He had no idea what the time was, but there was no way he was staying in this room. Even if he couldn't see it, he knew the blood was there. He hated the fact that it seemed to be there to act solely as a permanent reminder for all of their deaths.

Another strong memory would also be this. Please remember the movie does take a slightly different route to the novel (the teacher, for example).

Otherwise, there would be memories of the girls he slept with, and his distaste for relationships otherwise.

Also, his younger sister, Ikumi. Several memories of her during several of her birthdays, and entering middle school.

I'm going to be out most of the day, so I'll get to posting when I'm back home.